ACTIONS.

"And your beautiful boy won't wait for you, because he's busy with the stars and the fame.
And I don't know why I breathe,
It's taking too long for me."

No more wondering for Nicholas. Took about a week. But as usual, I can't blame him. Not to sound like I think I'm some awful person no one can stay close to, because I don't really like when people do that. I just found it interesting and thought that since I'd mentioned it a post or so back, I'd share that. I kind of wish I wouldn't have been right, not because I cared for him, but more so the company made some aspects of what I'm working through easier. Ah well.

Governor Dogde, WI.

Shortly after taking this picture at Stephen's Falls, I decided to go in the water gathering at the bottom. It was hot as hell and I wanted to relax for a bit after the climb down. I saw a muddy area I thought would be a safe place to start walking in. The inch long gash on the bottom of my right foot from the rock that was hiding in that muddy area will tell you I was wrong.


Annie's in this one. Bringing her along proved to be a great idea, she saved my ass a few times. And it wasn't bad having the company either. Not that my parents aren't awesome company, but they were busy doing other things for most of the trip.


This is a picture we took the night we arrived at the park. We got pretty bored around 1 A.M. and decided to venture to the showers. They were pretty disgusting - hence the faces. Also in this, you can see my new swimming suit. It's pretty cool, I think. There's a compialation of comic what-nots, covered in stripes. Thank you Target.


I guess I kind of uploaded these backwards. This was a picture I took before heading out of Racine. I was bored, waiting to hear back from Annie as to whether or not she was going to be able to join me. I think I look pretty happy in it. My glasses are obnoxious, but I like them.

I bought a state park visitor pass on this trip, which pretty much means that I can go camping at any WI state park with a camp ground. Lots without water and electric are only $14.00 or so a night. I'm thinking about getting a group of people together and taking a four or maybe even five day trip. If everyone pitches in it'd be pretty cheap, I just have to think of the right people to invite at this point.

The rest of the pictures I took are on my Ipod. Most of them are of "The House On The Rock" which was certainly awesome, but I'm feeling pretty lazy.. So since that's out in my car, it appears this will conclude my post. Have a great next 12 hours, whoever you are.

6:44 AM

Last night Nicholas came over, and we played beer pong. Singles. He beat me, and I lost a bet. Now I'm to post a status of how 'awesome' he is once every 24 hours for the next 25 days. Stupid, maybe. But it's fun.
Some time around 2 am we lost our shirts. We went outside, so I could have a cigarette. I thought of Audrey and started sobbing. I don't know where it came from, but it was awful. I honestly think it may have been the hardest I've cried since infancy. It wasn't all because of her, but more so the recognition that literally everyone outside of my family that i've grown close to has walked away. So, evidentially, I've grown fearfull of getting close to anyone.
I think this is an unrealistic fear. I know that the reasons each person has left my life have been justified, more or less. But depite that recognition, I couldn't help but to wonder how long he'll actually stick around as he cradled me back to sanity.

I'm a stitch away from making it, and a scar away from falling apart.

I don't know why you aren't talking to me. I thought we were going to be friends again, eventually. That we'd meet up, and talk. That's the impression you left me with. And I won't approach you with this by texting you, or calling. Because you don't want me to do that. But if you do want me in your life, you're reading this. Youve typed in the URL to this blog, and allowed yourself the curiosity to read these words. And if you've done that much, you can't blame me for hoping that means eventually you'll do a little bit more. You were my best friend, and it's been hard on me too. I've made mistakes, but I've learned from them, without you holding my hand. Without the promise of you being around ever again. I've learned that if I am optimistic, I am invincible. I am growing, and you are in the back of my mind. I'm not really sure what as, but you are. I can hear a police siren without having to hold back the tears, or even thinking of you now. I can't always bring myself to take Nicholson all the way home, like I used to coming back from your house. Even if it's the most conveniant route. I always look at your house when I go to the movies. I miss Tuk so much it hurts. I was trying to tell a friend about him the other day, and I started crying. My Mom misses you. And she won't talk about it, but I know she does. I've started getting close to this guy Nick Tussler. I dated him when I was in middle school, and I don't know if you know him, but he is a good guy despite his shitty taste in music. We've both just gotten out of really serious relationships and don't want to be with anyone, but really enjoy spending time together. He tells me he has a lot of respect for you, and he almost feels bad for caring about me at times, because he can tell how much you mean to me. He tells me with the way I talk about you, it's almost like I'm still your girl. I don't know if you're going to read this, And you don't have to talk to me, but I just hope that you havent forgotten me, and that you are happy. I really hope that you are happy. You're still in my heart.